The end of an era… I’ve come to the decision that walking into a fast food restaurant and being able to ask for the usual is sad enough as it is, but I took it a step further, didn’t I, folks? I mentioned last week that the Arby’s near my Star Bucks named a sandwich after me. “The Chance.” It was really, really awesome. A little too awesome. I’m trying to lose the weight I regained in 2010, and it turns out that eating two of these bad boys a day isn’t all that good for you. I know, right?  I flew too close to the sun on wings of roast beef, and now I’m not losing any damn weight. But you know what they say — when one addiction is conquered, God opens another medicine cabinet. See that massive tea? That’s Star Bucks’ new drink size, the Trenta, which is Italian for “never sleep again.” It’s 30.9 fluid ounces, which is ever so slightly larger than what the average human stomach can hold at once. I kid you not. Go on. Google it. I’m actually on my second tea of the day — like a fucking champ — but I’m going to try and save a little to pour out for “The Chance.” Rest in peace, lil guy(s).

The end of an era…

I’ve come to the decision that walking into a fast food restaurant and being able to ask for the usual is sad enough as it is, but I took it a step further, didn’t I, folks? I mentioned last week that the Arby’s near my Star Bucks named a sandwich after me. “The Chance.” It was really, really awesome. A little too awesome.

I’m trying to lose the weight I regained in 2010, and it turns out that eating two of these bad boys a day isn’t all that good for you. I know, right? 

I flew too close to the sun on wings of roast beef, and now I’m not losing any damn weight.

But you know what they say — when one addiction is conquered, God opens another medicine cabinet. See that massive tea? That’s Star Bucks’ new drink size, the Trenta, which is Italian for “never sleep again.” It’s 30.9 fluid ounces, which is ever so slightly larger than what the average human stomach can hold at once. I kid you not. Go on. Google it.

I’m actually on my second tea of the day — like a fucking champ — but I’m going to try and save a little to pour out for “The Chance.”

Rest in peace, lil guy(s).

--Tagged under: The Chance--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Sometimes, I’ll just be sitting around Star Bucks being sad, minding my own sad business, when this song comes on and all that sadness suddenly means something.

God dammit, music. Just let me be sad.

“It’s A Motherfucker” by Eels

All music posts

--Tagged under: Eels--

--Tagged under: music--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

I have given many, many reasons why my Star Bucks is infinitely better than any of yours, Tumbletopians, but this one you are just not going to believe. A barista here took five dollars out of his own wallet and put it on my Star Bucks card. I’m not entirely sure why, but he insisted on doing it and that I don’t pay him back. Sorry, but yes, this is yet another reason why my Star Bucks is the best and yours is invalid FOR-FUCKING-EVER. Also, Taco Bell.

I have given many, many reasons why my Star Bucks is infinitely better than any of yours, Tumbletopians, but this one you are just not going to believe.

A barista here took five dollars out of his own wallet and put it on my Star Bucks card. I’m not entirely sure why, but he insisted on doing it and that I don’t pay him back. Sorry, but yes, this is yet another reason why my Star Bucks is the best and yours is invalid FOR-FUCKING-EVER.

Also, Taco Bell.

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

Just reading through Tumblr and Twitter in Star Bucks again. While making a mess of this watermelon. Seriously, guys, it’s like your Star Bucks aren’t even trying. OK, I’ll stop now.

Just reading through Tumblr and Twitter in Star Bucks again. While making a mess of this watermelon.

Seriously, guys, it’s like your Star Bucks aren’t even trying.

OK, I’ll stop now.

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

Drinking tea and reading through your Tumblr posts and tweets again. While snacking on smoked gouda and a whole-wheat baguette. Sorry my Star Bucks is still way better than your, Tumbletopians.

Drinking tea and reading through your Tumblr posts and tweets again. While snacking on smoked gouda and a whole-wheat baguette.

Sorry my Star Bucks is still way better than your, Tumbletopians.

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

If there’s one thing I’m going to miss about this town, it’s the Star Bucks that I’ve spent so much time in this past year or two. All the jokes, music and scripts I’ve written here. Yes, I am that person. The proverbial “guy in Star Bucks that sips on tea while writing his ‘masterpiece.’” If there’s something that I won’t miss/secretly will also miss, it’s eating horribly. I have eaten two 5-layer burritos from the Taco Bell next to Star Bucks every day for the past couple of months. I have given weight-loss advice to at least two people on Tumblr, and here I am… eating this stuff… every day. Seriously, guys. Every day. I sweat lava sauce, Tumbletopians.

If there’s one thing I’m going to miss about this town, it’s the Star Bucks that I’ve spent so much time in this past year or two. All the jokes, music and scripts I’ve written here. Yes, I am that person. The proverbial “guy in Star Bucks that sips on tea while writing his ‘masterpiece.’”

If there’s something that I won’t miss/secretly will also miss, it’s eating horribly. I have eaten two 5-layer burritos from the Taco Bell next to Star Bucks every day for the past couple of months. I have given weight-loss advice to at least two people on Tumblr, and here I am… eating this stuff… every day.

Seriously, guys. Every day.

I sweat lava sauce, Tumbletopians.

--Tagged under: Lava Sauce--

--Tagged under: Taco Bell--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

--Tagged under: Cincinnati--

See that couple on the left? The guy kind of looks like a white, balding Obama. Naturally, instead of working on my script, I’m writing this fake conversation between the two. Lets listen in, shall we? Fake Obama: … So, I was talking to Biden last night.Her: Oh yeah? What about?FO: Honestly? I told him that, sometimes, I just want to hand it all over to him. You know? Just leave. Maybe buy a farm somewhere. You know, just get away from all of this and start over….Her: But you’ve wanted to be president since we were in high school. We even named our band Abraham and the Lincolns. You were pretty good on the sticks, man! Remember? We used to call you O’drummer! FO: Come on… I’m pouring my heart out to you. In a Star Bucks. Which I guess is a bit weird seeing as how I’m the president…. *looking down at his coffee* I mean, did people not realize that change takes time? Did they just forget that part? They’re not even giving me a fair chance. I’m the Conan O Brian of politics!Her: Oh! Did you hear?! Conan’s coming back to TV! But not on FOX. He’s going to TBS! Plus, he’s pushing George Lopez’s show back an hour! Score!FO: I’m sorry, did we just teleport to another Star Bucks where we weren’t talking about me?Her: *sighs* Don’t be such an O’drama!FO: Sorry— It’s just… sometimes I wonder why I even bother. You know? Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed anymore….Her: Ugh, sometimes you can be such an O’bummer

See that couple on the left? The guy kind of looks like a white, balding Obama. Naturally, instead of working on my script, I’m writing this fake conversation between the two.

Lets listen in, shall we?

Fake Obama: … So, I was talking to Biden last night.

Her: Oh yeah? What about?

FO: Honestly? I told him that, sometimes, I just want to hand it all over to him. You know? Just leave. Maybe buy a farm somewhere. You know, just get away from all of this and start over….

Her: But you’ve wanted to be president since we were in high school. We even named our band Abraham and the Lincolns. You were pretty good on the sticks, man! Remember? We used to call you O’drummer!

FO: Come on… I’m pouring my heart out to you. In a Star Bucks. Which I guess is a bit weird seeing as how I’m the president…. *looking down at his coffee* I mean, did people not realize that change takes time? Did they just forget that part? They’re not even giving me a fair chance. I’m the Conan O Brian of politics!

Her: Oh! Did you hear?! Conan’s coming back to TV! But not on FOX. He’s going to TBS! Plus, he’s pushing George Lopez’s show back an hour! Score!

FO: I’m sorry, did we just teleport to another Star Bucks where we weren’t talking about me?

Her: *sighs* Don’t be such an O’drama!

FO: Sorry— It’s just… sometimes I wonder why I even bother. You know? Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed anymore….

Her: Ugh, sometimes you can be such an O’bummer

--Tagged under: Obama--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

--Tagged under: Conan O Brien--

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

New track from The National! Stop what you are doing and listen to the tune that has me dancing around Star Bucks.*

“Bloodbuzz Ohio” by The National

*Don’t worry, they’re used to it by now.

All music posts

--Tagged under: The National--

--Tagged under: music--

--Tagged under: song--

--Tagged under: sotd--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

I just came back from Star Bucks where I got my FOURTH refill of the day. That’s FIVE venti iced green teas in a day. That’s a new record for me. Good thing I’m replaying Bioshock at the moment because I’m going to need something to keep me busy as I stay up all damn night from the caffeine. Anyways, on the way back, I noticed how lovely the moon was on this fine Friday night and snapped a quick pic. You know what else is lovely? The thought that no matter where I live, I can look up and see the same lovely moon as you can tonight. I still hate this town, but this thought makes living here a little easier. Go out and look at the moon tonight, folks! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some splicers to blow up on Bioshock.

I just came back from Star Bucks where I got my FOURTH refill of the day. That’s FIVE venti iced green teas in a day. That’s a new record for me. Good thing I’m replaying Bioshock at the moment because I’m going to need something to keep me busy as I stay up all damn night from the caffeine.

Anyways, on the way back, I noticed how lovely the moon was on this fine Friday night and snapped a quick pic. You know what else is lovely? The thought that no matter where I live, I can look up and see the same lovely moon as you can tonight. I still hate this town, but this thought makes living here a little easier. Go out and look at the moon tonight, folks!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some splicers to blow up on Bioshock.

--Tagged under: Bioshock--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

--Tagged under: I can quit any time I want.--

--Tagged under: Moon--

GPOYW And so Stereo, Lord of Star Bucks surveyed his kingdom and saw that it was good. Actually, I just looked away from the camera a second because I noticed a girl who had some very obvious plastic surgery done and I found it to be amusing because they were playing ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead on the speakers. You can’t write this stuff, folks.

GPOYW

And so Stereo, Lord of Star Bucks surveyed his kingdom and saw that it was good.

Actually, I just looked away from the camera a second because I noticed a girl who had some very obvious plastic surgery done and I found it to be amusing because they were playing ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead on the speakers.

You can’t write this stuff, folks.

--Tagged under: GPOY--

--Tagged under: GPOYW--

--Tagged under: Star Bucks--

--Tagged under: Radiohead--

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